If It Is Happening To You

If Domestic Violence Is A Part Of Your Life…

…You do have options. Everyone is entitled to a safe, healthy relationship where one can speak their mind, make their own choices, and remain in control of one’s own life. There are some severe cases in which it seems like there really is no way out, but eventually, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you first realize that you’re in an abusive relationship, and domestic violence is a part of your life on a consistent basis, the first conclusion many men and women jump to is that:

It’s My Fault… I Deserve It… I Should Be Ashamed… I Am Alone…

Dismiss those thoughts immediately! It is not your fault, and no one should have to endure violence in their home. Your partner has other choices, and it was he or she that decided to be abusive, rather than take responsibility and control their anger. You do not deserve it. There is never a reason for loved ones to be physically violent to one another, there are only excuses. You should never be ashamed of yourself. Being abused does not mean there is something wrong with you; it means there is something wrong with the partner. You are not alone, either. There are millions of men and women all over the world in abusive relationships, struggling to make changes in their life and seek help. It’s often even harder for battered men to come forward because of the ridicule they face from peers, authorities, and other women.

Basically, your options are:

  • Staying with your partner, and learning how to increase your safety at home, as well as how you need to protect yourself, and what kind of conditions and terms you have for staying in this relationship, and giving it another chance.
  • Staying without your partner; which means you are going to have to figure out how to safely get your partner off the property, and how you plan to protect yourself and, if you have children, how to protect them as well.
  • Leaving for a little while; whether it’s so that your partner can get his or her head straight, so you two can have time apart to re-evaluate what’s going on, leaving for a short while is still a hard choice. If your partner is physically abusive, it will be a difficult process as well. You’ll need to consider how to safely move yourself, your children, what to bring, where you are able to stay, and whether or not you need to have conditions for going back.
  • Leaving permanently. If you plan to get out, and leave on a permanent basis, sever all ties, then you need to make sure someone knows that’s what you’re planning to do. If something happens and you are severely injured, someone should know so they can help if you’re being held against your will. You will need to make plans as to where you will be staying, how to get out safely, what you need to bring, how to start over again, and what to do about money. There is life after abuse.

Any decision on how you plan to change an abusive relationship is going to be a difficult one, but there are people who want to help you, and your children. Adjusting to these new choices and changes will be hard, and people along the way will be there to give their support, and counsel throughout this period of change.