Men and women who abuse their loved ones, whether their children, spouse or partners, are more often than not desperate to stop their own violent behaviour. But coming forward and asking for help can seem shameful, and does take a lot of bravery on their part because that person is probably going to have to learn a lot about themselves that they don’t want to know. Many abusive individuals confuse anger management programmes with domestic violence perpetrator programmes, so they go to the former and then are surprised when it doesn’t work. That’s because anger management programmes teach people with anger problems ways to control their tempers on a short term basis. Domestic violence perpetrator programmes deal specifically with individuals who hurt their loved ones.